ΠΦΛΑΓ: Παρεντσ, φαµιλιεσ, ανδ φριενδσ οφ λεσβιανσ ανδ γαψσ

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1 ΠΦΛΑΓ: Παρεντσ, φαµιλιεσ, ανδ φριενδσ οφ λεσβιανσ ανδ γαψσ εφινιτιονσ οφ Φαµιλιεσ: Λεγαλ: Ρελατεσ το χυστοδψ, µαιντενανχε, χοµµον λαω, ανδ χοηαβιτατιον. Εαχη προϖινγ ηασ διφφερεντ λαωσ αβουτ φαµιλιεσ. Λεγαλ δεφινιτιονσ τενδ το χηανγε οϖερ τιµε. Νορµατιϖε: Νορµατιϖε φαµιλιεσ αρε φαµιλιεσ τηατ αρε σηαρεδ βψ α µαϕοριτψ οφ πεοπλε ιν α χουντρψ ορ ρεγιον. εφινεδ ασ σοχιαλλψ αππροϖεδ ανδ λεγιτιµατε φαµιλιεσ. Σοχιαλ Χονστρυχτιον: Ρελατεσ το νορµατιϖε φαµιλιεσ. Σοχιαλ χονστρυχτιον φαµιλιεσ αρε φαµιλιεσ τηατ γροω το βε µορε αχχεπτεδ βψ τηε ωορλδ ωιτη τηε µορε πεοπλε τηατ ϕοιν τηεµ. (Ι.ε λεσβιαν ανδ γαψ χουπλεσ) Τηεορετιχαλ δεφινιτιον: Τηεορετιχαλ δεφινιτιονσ οφ φαµιλιεσ αρε φαµιλιεσ τηατ αρε δεφινεδ βψ τηεορψ. Αν εξαµπλε ισ τηε δεφινιτιον οφ µαρριαγε, ασ ιτ ισ α τηεορψ. Τηε προβλεµ ωιτη τηεορετιχαλ ισ τηατ ιτ δοεσν τ τακε ιντο αχχουντ διφφερεντ τψπεσ οφ φαµιλιεσ. Ρεσεαρχη δεφινιτιον: Ρεσεαρχη δεφινιτιονσ αρε σπεχιφιχ ρεσεαρχη θυεστιονσ αβουτ φαµιλιεσ. Ιτ ισ υσυαλλψ δεριϖεδ φροµ α ηυνχη ανδ ισ λινκεδ το µεασυρεµεντ. Γεοργε Μυρδοχκ σ εφινιτιον οφ α φαµιλψ: εφινεσ φαµιλιεσ ασ τωο αδυλτσ ονε µαλε, ανδ φεµαλε, ωιτη ατ λεαστ ονε χηιλδ, οωνεδ ορ αδοπτεδ, ωηο σηαρε τηε σαµε ρεσιδενχε, εχονοµιχ φινανχεσ, ανδ ωηο ρεπροδυχε. Χενσυσ Φαµιλψ: Στατσ Χαναδα δεφινεσ α φαµιλψ ασ α µαρριεδ χουπλε ωιτη ορ ωιτηουτ χηιλδρεν, α χοµµον λαω ρελατιονσ σηιπ, ορ α λονε παρεντ/γρανδπαρεντ λιϖινγ ωιτη ατ λεαστ ονε χηιλδ ιν τηε σαµε ηοµε. Αλλ οφ ωηιχη χαν ινχλυδε χουπλεσ ειτηερ σαµε ορ οπποσιτε σεξ. Προχεσσ Βασεδ: Προχεσσ ρατηερ τηαν φορµ οφ α φαµιλψ. Μοορε Λαππε δεφινεσ α φαµιλψ ασ τηοσε ωηο σηαρε ιντιµαχψ ανδ λιφε εξπεριενχεσ. ςανιερ Ινστιτυτε εφινιτιον οφ Φαµιλψ: εφινεσ α φαµιλψ ασ ανψ τωο πεοπλε ωηο λιϖε τογετηερ χονσενσυαλλψ ανδ αρε ρελατεδ βψ βιρτη, αδοπτιον, ορ ρελατιονσηιπ. Ρεσπονσιβιλιτιεσ ινχλυδε χαρε φορ οτηερσ, αδδιτιον οφ νεω µεµβερσ τηρυ βιρτη ορ αδοπτιον, σοχιαλιζατιον οφ χηιλδρεν, αφφεχτιϖε νυρτυρανχε. Πηενοµενολογιχαλ: Νοτ γοϖερνεδ βψ ρυλεσ, νορµσ, ορ χυλτυρε. Φαµιλψ ςσ. Ηουσεηολδ: µαρκετ ρεσεαρχηερσ υσε τηε τερµ ηουσεηολδ ρατηερ τηαν φαµιλψ ασ νοτ αλλ φαµιλιεσ λιϖε υνδερ τηε σαµε ροοφ Φορµερ Μοδερν Φαµιλψ:

2 φατηερ, µοτηερ, ανδ χηιλδρεν λιϖινγ ιν α ηουσεηολδ, φαµιλψ οφ οριγιν ανδ προχρεατιον. Ποστ Μοδερν Φαµιλψ: Βινυχλεαρ Φαµιλψ: Φαµιλιεσ λιϖινγ ιν τωο ηουσεηολδσ (ι.ε διϖορχεδ παρεντσ ωιτη χηιλδρεν) Εξτενδεδ Φαµιλψ: Ηουσεηολδσ λιϖινγ ωιτη αυντσ, χουσινσ, ετχ Αφφιλιατεδ Κιν: Πεοπλε ψου ρε νοτ ρελατεδ το βυτ ψου φεελ ασ ιφ ψου αρε (ι.ε φριενδσ) Τεξτβοοκ Ματεριαλ: Φορµαλ δεφινιτιονσ οφ φαµιλιεσ αρε εξτρεµελψ ιµπορταντ ασ τηεψ δετερµινε ηεαλτη χαρε χοϖεραγε, προπερτψ ριγητσ, ανδ γοϖερνµενταλ ριγητ. Βεινγ δεφινεσ ασ ηαϖινγ α φαµιλψ οφτεν χαρριεσ ωιτη ιτ α στατυσ οφ νορµαλιτψ Discuss the following ideas and why they are important to consider when conducting family research (see pages of textbook) Social dynamics: Change can only be measured across time points Identity and change are central to developing a dynamic theory Does not look at unique events or changes Want analysis to be generalizable Events: Individuals lives are experienced as events E.g., birth, graduation, wedding, death Actual date is not important The event contains the information about our lives Most life events are considered normative Stage: Duration of time characterized by a particular property not present before the stage and not present after the stage Stages have a beginning point marked by an event or transition event

3 Ending or exit transition event marks the end of the stage Stage transitions: Every person and organization experiences transitions Many contain intense adjustment which lead to high stress E.g., birth of a child Pathway: At any point, always possibility of a stage transition Transitions depend on Stage you currently occupy How long you have been in that stage The social norms favoring one type of transition over another Individuals think their pathway is their choice But, historical and random factors arise to change or modify our pathways Examples: War, Depression, Natural disasters Discuss how the example from the film Up! Transition #1 Single Transition #2 Married Transition #3 Not able to have children Transition #4 Childless Transition #5 Couple Types of family research o Cross-cultural Compare data on family life among different kinds of societies Margaret Mead

4 o Historical Compare census, social agency or demographic data to determine patterns of family life o Longitudinal Use questionnaires or interviews over a number of years to follow up on earlier investigations o Content analysis Type of qualitative research Systematic examination of cultural artifacts or various forms of communicate to determine themes Concerns with research Be critical Do not automatically accept research results as facts or truth but consider the research context Possible flaws in research studies Researcher is bias Sample is bias No control group Questions poorly worded Time and other distortions Why we need Theory Help us predict relationships Help us to explain relationships Strong research has strong theoretical underpinnings o Life Course Theory and the 5 principles (no cons/no pros identified) 1. Human development occurs throughout life

5 2. Individuals construct their own lives through choices and actions 3. Life courses are shaped by the times we live in (depending on what is happening in the world) 4. The same events affect individuals/families differently depending on when they occur in the life course 5. lives are linked o Ecological Systems Theory: Our lives are in different layers Micro system consists of people and objects in an individuals immediate environment who are closest to them E.g., Parents and siblings Can have more than 1 microsystem (e.g., family, daycare) Meso system (inter-connected) What happens in one microsystem will influence the others E.g., Bad day at work or school, you re grouchy at home Exo system Social setting that you might not experience first hand or indirectly, but still influences development E.g., Mother s work environment Macro system Subcultures and cultures that the other three systems are embedded in Broader social and cultural context the child lives in Attitudes, beliefs, and heritage Chrono system All the systems change over time Not static, but always changing Examples of changes

6 The child s microsystem changes when an older sibling leaves home to attend college The child s exosystem changes when a mother leaves an easy low paying job for a more challenging high paying job Ecological Systems Theory Pro s and Con s Pro: Valuable because it stresses the interaction between families and their political and social environments Con: Difficult to observe how environments exert changes upon families o Family Systems Theory Family members are interconnected Each member influences the other Change in one part of the system, changes other parts Equilibrium Family will try to make adjustments to go back to the way it was before the change Systems have: Subsystems Roles Rules Boundaries Families are dynamic Responding to needs of environment Pros Takes into account the dynamic nature of family systems Cons Does not take into account greater environment to a large extent

7 From work with families How well does it explain normative families? Textbook: Chapter 2 Material NOT covered in Lecture Μοτιϖατιοναλ Τηεοριεσ: Ασσυµε τηατ ψου χηοοσε ορ δετερµινε ωηψ ανδ ηοω ψου δο σοµετηινγ. Νορµατιϖε Τηεοριεσ: Ασσυµε τηατ σοχιαλ νορµσ πρεδιχτ βεηαϖιορ ανδ αχτιον Μαχρο Ηιστοριχαλ Τηεοριεσ: Ασσυµε τηατ φορχεσ βεψονδ τηε ινδιϖιδυαλ ορ σοχιετψ χρεατε χηανγε. Ινστιτυτιοναλ Νορµσ: Σοχιαλ ρυλεσ αγρεεδ υπον βψ µοστ µεµβερσ οφ α σοχιετψ. Εξαµπλε: Ονε σηουλδ γετ α δριϖερσ λιχενσε ορ ανδ εδυχατιον ωηιλε ονε ισ α ψουνγ αδυλτ Τηισ ισ α τιµινγ νορµ ορ αγε γραδεδ νορµ. Οφφ Τιµε ανδ Ουτ οφ Σεθυενχε: Σοχιαλ νορµσ αβουτ τηε εξπεχτεδ σεθυενχε οφ εϖεντσ. Φορ εξαµπλε φινισηινγ ψουρ εδυχατιον βεφορε στατινγ α φυλλ τιµε ϕοβ. Ανδ τηατ ψου γετ α χαρεερ βεφορε ψου γετ µαρριεδ, ανδ τηατ ψου µαρρψ βεφορε ηαϖινγ α χηιλδ. Φαµιλψ Σταγεσ: Τηε διφφερεντ σταγεσ οφ φαµιλψ. Τηισ χαν ινχλυδε µαρριαγε, χοηαβιτατιον, ηαϖινγ α χηιλδ, ετχ. Σταγεσ οφ φαµιλψ δεϖελοπµεντ χαν εασιλψ βε δεφινεδ ασ στρυχτυρε. Α δεϖελοπµενταλ τασκ µυστ βε χοµπλετεδ βεφορε µοϖινγ ον το τηε νεξτ σταγε. υρατιον ανδ Τρανσιτιονσ: Ασσυµεσ τηατ ωιτηιν τηε φιρστ τωο ψεαρσ οφ µαρριαγε, τηε χηανχεσ οφ ηαϖινγ α χηιλδ αρε εξτρεµελψ ηιγη. Ασ τιµε µοϖεσ ον, τηε λικελιηοοδ οφ α µαρριεδ χουπλε το ηαϖε α χηιλδ δεχλινεσ. Soul mate: A person who is temperamentally suited to another High scores on intimacy, commitment, passion, value similarity, and needs fulfillment Profound connection Mystical element Best friend, confidante, and romantic partner Willingness to work together

8 Definition of love: Intimacy with, caring for, and commitment to another person Reis & Aron, 2008 definition of love Desire to enter, maintain, or expand a close, connected, and ongoing relationship with another person or entity The findings of Fehr (1988), specifically the features that are related to love, the ones connected to love, and how people describe love and joy Asked participants to list key features of love and then asked a second sample to rate the importance of these features Central to love were trust and caring Uncertainty and butterflies were consider to be peripheral People also describe love and joy similarly Love = specified Joy = generalized Past and present reasons for marriage Would you marry someone who had all the qualities you were looking for in a partner, but whom you were not in love with? Most people would say no Marring for love is a relatively new phenomena In past, people married for political, economic, practical, and family reasons Not love The history of love 1967 trends and love 76% of women and 35% of men would have married an otherwise perfect partner who they did not love (Kephart, 1967)

9 North Americans consider romance as a reason to marry to an unpredicted degree Ancient Greece Passionate attraction to another person considered a form of madness not love Platonic love was most admired (e.g., between two men) Ancient Egypt Royalty often married their siblings Hoped that married couples would be friend and get along 1100's Heterosexual love took on more positive connotations Knights sought love as a noble quest Adultery common men single and women married to someone else 1200's to 1500's (Late Middle Ages) Marriage not romantic, a serious matter passionate romantic love considered dangerous trapdoor leading to hell not even condoned between husband wife (Ackerman, 2004) Love considered to be doomed People in love prevented from being together by death or marriage to others 1600's to 1700's Romance and passion could be linked to marriage But idea was not widespread Now / Today Marriage for love not common in all parts of the world

10 Romantic / Passionate Love State of intense longing for union with another Lust = sexual arousal / physical state honeymoon stage Sexual desire = psychological state Companionate Love Affection for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined Within 6 to 30 months Intimacy, commitment, and affection 2 Components of romantic passionate love Physical arousal (e.g., fast heart beat) Attribution of arousal to another person Can be misattributions (excitation transfer) Arousal caused by one event attributed to a second event which seems more influential than it really is o The Bridge study by Dutton and Aron (1974) is a good example of excitation transfer and is testable Bridge Study: they had 2 bridges; one that is scary and one that is secure. There were attractive women at the end of each bridge. They were told that once they reached the end of the bridge they could call the experimenter if they had any questions. The group that called the attractive woman was the one who walked across the scary bridge. They turned this fear they had into arousal for the woman Discuss how love is blind and how this affects our perception of our relationship partners People consistently underestimate lover s faults, hold idealized images of their lovers

11 We have a tendency to see our partners as more similar to ourselves then they are earlier in relationships Seeing our partners as positive and desirable raises our self esteem Discuss the similarities and differences between friendship and love and how friendship is related to deeper forms of love Similarities Level of acceptance (liking, positive evaluation) Trust and respect Levels of confiding Understanding Satisfaction and happiness Differences Greater fascination/ infatuation for a partner Greater sense of excessiveness Friendship is the foundation for deeper love Deep friendships more common and can be a source of conflict in love relationships Using Rubin's Love and Liking scales, discuss what sets love and liking apart Intimacy, dependence and caring Discuss the differences in same-sex love for lesbian and gay couples Lesbian and Gay Couples Lesbian couples relationships appear to be more stable and enduring then gay male couples relationships Men not socialized to discuss emotional needs can be challenge in gay

12 relationships Long term, monogamous relationships may not be supported by gay male community Discuss the role of age and experience when it comes to love Age confounded with experience Older = longer relationships and greater number of relationships overall People mellow with age Less physical arousal Less intense More positive overall Discuss the gender differences in love for men and women Men and women more similar than different in love however a few differences Men Possess more romantic attitudes than women More likely to be believe in love at first sight Men are less discriminating in terms of partner Men put more stock in romance passion is most related to men s satisfaction in relationships Women More cautious about who they love In general, express more companionate love towards partners than men Love across different cultures Cross cultural similarities in concepts of passionate and companionate love Cross culturally, individuals values intelligence, kindness, and understanding in a mate

13 Differences in the importance of passionate love and intimacy for marriage vs. benefits to family and others Evolutionary Theory: how it works, it's function and the role of lust, attachment, and attraction Evolutionary theorists suggest that love is a commitment device Leads people to forego attractive immediate rewards in favor of longer term benefits People in love do think less about possible alternative partners After focusing on love for current partner People report fewer thoughts about an attractive alternative and recalled fewer attractiveness related details about the alternative than those told to focus on their desire for their current partner Crucial that love carries on long enough for raising children Lust Sex drive, regulated by hormones Drives reproduction by motivating us to mate with others Attachment Feelings of comfort and security which keep couples together long enough to raise children Drives companionate love, fueled by oxytocin Attraction Promotes pursuit of a particular preferred romantic partner Fuels romantic love, regulated by dopamine and serotonin in the brain Dopamine explains level of excitement and exhilaration, which occur Serotonin give energy to pursue Biochemical theory: how it works and its function Love results from biological, chemical hormones

14 Same feeling as cocaine (stimulants) Passionate love is linked with arousal Heightened arousal leads to difficultly concentrating on other activities Goal oriented behaviour, heightened energy, sleeplessness, euphoria, obsessive thoughts, and heightened attraction Research shows more focus on partner and avoidance of alternatives Facilitates mate preference and pursuit of mate choice Companionate love linked with bonding Part of relationship maintenance Attachment Theory Emotional bond that binds a child to the parent, begins in infancy and influences personality Humans need to connect with others 3 styles of attachment Secure attachment Maintain close relationships with one another Don t resist dependence Best, most fulfilled sex Χαρεγιϖινγ More arousal, more pleasure, more orgasms, and greater satisfaction (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2007) Χοµµιτµεντ More committed Πασσιον

15 More satisfying interactions with partner Most effective caregivers Ιντιµαχψ Provide most reassurance Avoidant attachment Seldom find real love Uncomfortable when too emotionally or physically close to another person Little trust for others, cynical attitudes about love Disclose little about feelings and desires Passion is impersonal Behave negatively when asked to care for partner Anxious/ ambivalent attachment Insecure, constantly afraid partner does not love them Fall in love immediately and want commitment fast Drama and stress from nervous arousal Anxious people offer a lot of help to partner Often for self motivated reasons E.g., to gain approval Wheel Theory of Love Reis (1960, 1980) Conceptualized love and friendship development in 4 processes 1. Feeling of relationship (rapport) When people feel comfortable with each other, they reveal aspects of themselves such as their experiences, hopes, desires, and fears 2. Self revelation This can cover many areas of life, or it can be deep, in that it exposes more private

16 feelings and ideas 3. Mutual dependencies Individuals begin to rely on each other to share ideas, jokes, and intimate feelings Sharing pleasures, ideas, and sexual desires Doing things that require the other person to be present 4. Intimacy need fulfillment Growing trust is also an important aspect of the development of a relationship Desire to share experiences with someone who loves and appreciates us Consistent mutual support Lee's 6 Kinds of Relationships: Eros love Physical attraction, Agape Love at first sight Altruistic, selfless Ludus Love, love as a duty Playful or game playing love, fickle, unfaithful Storge Mania Demanding and possessive, obsessive Companionate or friendship love Pragma Practical, shopping list love

17 Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love: identify the 3 components, their functions, and the types of love created 1. Intimacy: Feelings of warmth, understanding, communication, support, and sharing 2. Passion: Physical arousal and desire Sexual longing Strong emotional need 3. Commitment: Decisions to devote oneself to a relationship and to work to maintain it The health benefits of love Companionate love associated with health and well being Partners help encourage healthy behaviors Positive mood increases health Perceived partner responsiveness The tendency to believe others are understanding, caring, and supportive Discuss the negative consequences of love Suicide Homicides Rejection Mood swings Emotional disorders (e.g., anxiety, depression) Feelings of rejection, abandonment, jealously, and grief Discuss what jealously is and how it works in a relationship context Jealousy Intolerant or hostile emotional response to a real or imagined threat to a love relationship Sets boundaries for a relationship Can be suspicious or reactive

18 Men: jealous about sex Women: jealous about intimacy Low self esteems and insecurity associated with jealously Now always about sex or intimacy E.g., time with family or hobbies Discuss the history of dating Before 1920 s Dating was regulated by Chaperones Considered serious, commitment to marriage After Word War 1, less supervised Dating became rite of passage to understand gender roles, status, and identity Four stages of dating Casual dating, steady dating, dating engagement, and marriage 1960 s to present More freedom for women Men used to be initiators now women have more direct role Less formal Use of technology, having fun, and meeting new people Discuss the function of dating today and how it can be a source of pressure Today Two individuals who are attending a function together Purpose is for entertainment, not choosing a life partner Hanging out or hooking up Can be a source of pressure Connected to social status Single vs. relationship status Discuss the 4 functions identified by Skipper and Nass Skipper and Nass (1968) identified four functions of dating Gaining status Socialization Recreation Mate selection Discuss the 4 general premarital sexual standards that exist within dating and sex Sex de-linked from marriage and family

19 4 general premarital sexual standards Abstinence Sex should occur only in marriage Permissiveness with affection Sex is okay if two people are not married, but in love Permissiveness without affection Love does not have to exist for a person to have premarital sex Double standard Women practice permissiveness with affection Men practice permissiveness without affection Discuss the various ways individuals meet someone to date as well as the emergence of online dating and it's pros and cons Personal introductions Between 1/3 to ½ of all dating relationships begin this way (Sprecher & McKinnery, 1993) Work 40% have dated a co-worker Becoming less common Classified Ads Women as sex objects, men as success objects Introduction services Video dating, marriage bureau, mail order Online Dating Social factors influencing online dating in Canada Increased single person households Time pressure of careers Increased mobility of single people Workplace not ideal for meeting partners Advantages Greater control about how to present ourselves Personality rather than superficial cues Reduces issues with time, space, and distance Creates sense of ambient intimacy Increased self-reflection Safe space for marginalized person Get around dating Disadvantages Dishonesty Safety

20 Nonverbal cues missing Until meet in person Proximity still important for meeting face to face Identify and discuss the variations in dating Second time around dating Single parent Divorced Widowed Senior dating Open vs. closed dating Poly-dating Dating without any goal of long-term commitment, ever Arranged marriages Identify and discuss how the following theories work as well as the concepts within each theory that can be used to understand attraction and dating Propinquity Theory Attracted to individuals who are around us Repeated contact causes us to like someone Pro Meet people in immediate surroundings Online dating fosters this Con Choices in small surroundings are limited Similarity Theory Like those who are similar to us Assortative mating Choose partners based on certain traits Homogamy Choose individuals with traits similar to our own (e.g., age, education, social class) Complementary Theory Opposites attract Little evidence that complementary personality causes attraction BUT complementary behaviours or interests are attractive Similarity provides context for relationship in which different skills/interests become complementary Stimulus-Value-Role Theory (SVR) Stimulus stage Initially attracted to external attributes Choose someone who is attainable not our ideal

21 Value stage Determine if attitudes, interests, and beliefs match Role stage Behaviours that are expected of a person in specific position in a group Evaluate a mate on 2 dimensions How we actually function in the relationship compared to how we expected we would function How our partner functions in the relationship compared to how we expected them to function Discuss the disadvantaged and dating, the ideas behind being disadvantaged, and which groups of individuals are disadvantaged in the dating market place People who differ from idealized standard may have trouble connecting with others Society has a narrow view of who should/can be sexual E.g., fit and young = attractive Therefore, some groups may be disadvantage in the dating marketplace Persons who are overweight Persons with disabilities Older persons, in particular older women Discuss what people look for in heterosexual and same-sex attraction Heterosexual attraction Males and females agree Emotional stability, agreeableness, honesty, and attractiveness Males less selective than females Although get more selective as seriousness of relationship increases Attractiveness as a filter Same-sex attraction Gay men weigh attractiveness heavily Gay men also similar to straight men Do not care much about status/income Lesbians do not weigh attractiveness as much Similar to straight women Prefer a heavier silhouette than men do Less concerned with status/income of partner Lesbians and straight women accept older partners Discuss the difference between dating and mate selection Dating Have fun with another person we are interested in romantically Mate selection

22 People are actively looking to find a life partner Supposed to lead to marriage or marriage like cohabitation Identify and discuss how the following theories work as well as the concepts within each theory that can be used to understand mate selection Biosocial Theory Evolutionary perspective Women are certain that their offspring are theirs, while men are not sure Women have higher parental investment and are more selective in choice of sex partner and mate Choose someone who shows willingness to contribute time and resources to potential offspring Men are less selective Advantage to have as many children as possible Choose someone for sexual encounter rather than long term mate Women Attracted to strong and dominant men Men Attracted to women who are healthy and potential to bear offspring Social Exchange Theory Economic model of human behaviour Motivated by self-interest Maximize profit (rewards) and minimize loss (costs) Comparison level Evaluate rewards and costs of a relationship in terms of what he/she feels they deserve E.g., new partner to old partner Salience Some factors may be more important than others and have a greater weight in decision making Time Need to consider how our decisions will pan out in both the short and long term Equity Theory Maximize outcomes when making a choice Reward members who treat others equally Punish members who treat others inequitably If in inequitable relationship, will become distressed More inequitable = more distress In inequitable relationship Attempt to eliminate distress by restoring equity The more you contribute to a relationship, the more you should gain from it Under-benefitter

23 Not getting as much as you should Feel unappreciated and used Over-benefitter Getting too much Will feel guilty Both feel distress, but in different ways Alleviate distress by Restore equity make changes in real life Restore equity psychologically believing that relationship is equitable Leave the relationship Filter Model Narrow number of available people to small group Divide pool of available people by half Filter out those who are not of the sex we prefer or attracted to Narrow search to those who are in close proximity to us Sex ratio of a given area can impact pool of available people Sex ratio = number of men per 100 women high = more men than women low = more women than men When sex ratio is high, rate of marriage increases Imbalance can reduce marriage Marriage squeeze Marriage is reduced for a group due to the lack of available partners Social norms can cause specific groups to be squeezed out E.g., successful women, low status men Mating gradient* Women seek men of similar/higher status and men seek women of similar / lower status TEXTBOOK MATERIAL Discuss what interference is and how it works Interference Family and friends have an influence on our choices Many individuals will consider ending a relationship if their friends and family disapprove Sprecher and Felmlee (1992) and Zhang (2009) proved interference The amount of influence may vary by culture Discuss how violence and coercion as well as honor killings are related to dating and mate selection

24 Violence and Coercion Sexual Coercion: an experience of being pressured or forced by another person to have contact which involved touching of sexual parts or sexual intercourseoral, anal, or vaginal. Females who are coerced have had a greater number of sexual partners, low selfesteem and low assertiveness Low percentage of males History of childhood victimization is a factor However, unwanted sex can be consensual No drive, but accepting the invitation Honour Killings The death of a female family member who is murdered by one or more male family members, sometimes with the active assistance of other women related to the victim. Female family member deemed to have transgressed the family s honor Can include failing to cover her face, hair or body; wearing makeup; dating those not approved by the family Deaths not often reported, but about 5000 women per year are killed Rare in Canada